


Running on Empty

by carrionkid



Series: Autistic Peter Quill Fics [2]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Gen, Post-Canon, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-07 23:07:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11068983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carrionkid/pseuds/carrionkid
Summary: This takes place the morning after Communication Breakdown. I headcanon Peter Quill as autistic and having ADHD (there's a post about ithereif you're interested!) and this is basically the day after he had a meltdown because of everything that happened in Vol 2.-Peter wakes up later, there’s no night/day cycle on the Eclector but he can hear the sound of people talking somewhere. He gets up out of bed and throws on his jacket before hugging himself and squeezing as tight as he can. It’s weird, but it’s always made him feel better. He switches his helmet on; he can’t find it in himself to care if his friends find it weird, it’s better than not having anything to separate him from the light and noise of the world.





	Running on Empty

Peter wakes up later, there’s no night/day cycle on the Eclector but he can hear the sound of people talking somewhere. He gets up out of bed and throws on his jacket before hugging himself and squeezing as tight as he can. It’s weird, but it’s always made him feel better. He switches his helmet on; he can’t find it in himself to care if his friends find it weird, it’s better than not having anything to separate him from the light and noise of the world.

 

He walks out to the bridge, almost everyone is there eating, though he can’t tell what meal it is from the food. They’ve been living off rations while trying to get their shit together; he knows that they’re probably waiting on him to make the final decision, since he’s, like, the Captain now. They’re all talking and having what looks like a pretty good time, all things considered. 

 

Groot is standing up on the table, running from person to person. Gamora’s polishing her sword in between bites of something unidentifiable. Rocket is stopping Groot from eating something that’s debatably edible. Even Kraglin has both his feet propped up on the table, leaning back in his chair and looking more like one of the family instead of a wary watcher.

 

“Hey,” he says from the doorway, hoping that his helmet can cover up how hoarse his voice sounds. Everyone stops what they’re doing to look at him. 

 

This is the worst part. He’s used to the body-ache in the aftermath and his hypersensitivity to pretty much anything related to living for the next few days. He can never get used to the way people change. He knows Gamora said something but Peter doesn’t blame her; meltdowns  _ scary  _ even if you’ve had them for years.

 

“Are… are you okay?” Gamora sounds scared; she probably did last night, but he really wasn’t in the right state of mind to know what anyone sounded like. It’s weird to hear, she always sounds fearless and Peter can’t help feeling shitty for making her sound so concerned. 

 

He nods and walks over to the empty space at the table, it’s near Kraglin. He reaches across the table to get one of the ration packets; when he pulls back Kraglin reaches out and lets his hand hover a couple inches away from Peter’s arm. It’s an unspoken thing, saying ‘I’m smart enough to not grab you right now but I want you to know that I’ve got your back.’ He’s gotten pretty good at picking up unspoken things while living with the Ravagers, there’s a lot of things you can’t really say out loud here.

 

“How’re’ya feelin’, Cap’n?” 

 

That’s weird. That’s  _ different.  _ Not totally Good Different, but not totally Bad Different, either…… Lukewarm Different. No, that’s not the word he’s looking for. Maybe Medium Different.

 

He mumbles Medium Different to himself, hoping that no one can hear him through the helmet, but it still doesn’t sound right.

 

“Feel like shit,” Peter replies, you don’t lie about these things to Ravagers, they get more concerned if you act like nothing’s wrong, “It’s a Runnin’ on Empty kinda day.” 

 

Kraglin lets his hand drop and nods solemnly. You were hard pressed to spend a month on a ship with Peter without becoming extremely well acquainted with his music. Kraglin’s known him long enough that it’s basically an Idiot’s Guide to Understanding the Inner Workings of Peter Quill. Running on Empty is worse than Free Falling but not as bad as Landslide. All the new music on the Zune is going to seriously throw off his scale but he already has a bit of a head start. 

 

Peter shoots him what he  _ hopes  _ is recognizable as a knowing look through his helmet, then turns and walks out of the room with his ration pack. 

 

“Peter, Peter wait!” Gamora calls after him, but it’s too late and she isn’t in the mood for tracking him down. She’ll just let him work through whatever this is, as long as it doesn’t take too long since they’re currently broke.

 

Kraglin sighs and takes his feet down off of the table, “Jus’ let’im go. There’s no stoppin’ the kid.”

 

Gamora crosses her arms in front of herself, “I just want to know what the hell happened last night. And if it’s going to happen again...”

 

“Prob’ly better if you leave the explainin’ to him.” 

 

She scowls; Kraglin’s right but she’s getting cabin fever just sitting around and waiting for something to happen. Groot is standing by her now, pulling on the sleeve of her shirt.

 

“I am Groot?” He pats her arm with a concerned look.

 

She lifts him up and puts him on her shoulder, “I’m fine, just worried about him.”

 

Groot turns to Rocket, still perched on Gamora’s shoulder, “I am Groot?”

 

Rocket laughs, throwing his head back and Gamora wonders if this is really the time, “Peter’s always been crazy, Groot, you should know that by now.”

 

“I am Groot!” the small tree crosses his arms.

 

“I know what you meant, but he’s gonna be fine.”

 

Gamora gives him a glare that can only mean ‘you’re not helping’, “Let’s go check on him anyway, does that sound good, Groot?” 

 

-

 

Peter ducks back into his room and rips open the ration pack. The contents are pretty bland, but you get used to them. He probably should be trying to do some Captain-ing, since he  _ is  _ the Captain now and they’ve been hovering a few kliks away from the planet that used to be his father for the past week. Getting away might even help clear his head but there’s so much to consider that he doesn’t even want to try to move.

 

He’s halfway through something that looks like a protein bar but tastes weirdly of unidentifiable meat when he hears a knock on the door. Eating something has helped him feel a bit more like himself, but nowadays he isn’t really sure what exactly is Himself anymore. He blurts out, ‘Come in’ through a mouthful of whatever this is. Gamora slides open the door and steps in. Peter still isn’t ready for a confrontation but if it has to happen, having a confrontation in his own room is better than on the bridge. 

 

Gamora is barely in the room before he shouts, “I can’t do it, okay!”

 

“What?”

 

“I can’t be the Captain, I can’t,” he can feel panic setting in again and he’s pretty sure he’s gonna start crying sometime in the near future, “You can be the Captain if you want to, I just… Can’t.” 

 

Gamora sits down, cross legged in front of Peter, and helps Groot down onto the floor between them, “What are you talking about, Peter?”

 

Peter runs his hands through his hair and presses down hard against his head, trying to push away whatever it is that he’s feeling, currently he’s thinking of naming it Dissa-panic because that’s way catchier than saying that he’s freaking the fuck out because he can’t be the person his dead adopted dad wanted him to be.

 

“I just can’t do it! You can be the Captain, that’s why you’re here, right? You can be the Captain and make all the decisions and I can be the sidekick.” 

 

“Peter, you don’t have to be a…” she furrows her brows and looks confused, “Sidekick? Whatever that is…” 

 

Groot tugs on his pant leg and assuredly says, “I am Groot,” he nods and smiles, “I am  _ Groot! _ ”

 

“I’m not a good captain! I haven’t done anything Captain-y at all so far and all the plans I’ve ever made failed!” 

 

Gamora laughs, she looks happier than she’s been in days, almost falling over with the movement.

 

Peter crosses his arms in front of him, “Why are you laughing?   
  


“Peter, we’ve saved the entire galaxy from destruction, not once, but twice! Because of you!”

 

“Yeah, but I had help!” 

 

“I  _ know  _ that, but being the Captain doesn’t mean you can’t get us to help you anymore!” Gamora’s still smiling, “All you have to do is  _ ask. _ ”

 

“Fine,” Peter rolls his eyes, “So, can you help me?”

 

“Only if you tell me about what happened last night.” 

 

The tone is serious now, Peter knew this was coming but that doesn’t make it any easier. 

 

He thinks for a second, and decides it’s better to leave it up to Gamora, let her ask what she needs to, “It just happens sometimes.”

 

“What is  _ it _ ? How often is it going to happen?”

 

“I dunno. Things are loud sometimes.” Peter’s cursing himself as soon as he’s said it, that’s probably the worst possible way to describe it! Things are loud all the time no matter who you are or what kind of brain problems you have.

 

“And?” Gamora is looking at him, brows furrowed.

 

“And it’s not a good mix with me. It’s not just loud things, though. It’s other things, like, uh, big changes, stuff like that,” Peter winces, more visibly than he intended; everything he’s saying is just making it sound like he’s extra bad at being a person.

 

“Just… Things catch me off guard and it gets kinda…  _ Messy.  _ Not always though!” He adds as a clarifier that he isn’t bad at being a person  _ all the time.  _ Just sometimes.

 

Gamora nods, “Is it as bad as it looks?”

 

Peter gives a small smile, “How bad did it look?”

 

“It looked like you were fighting yourself.”

 

“Who was winning?” He stops to take a moment to appreciate his joke, even if it seems like it was lost on Gamora, “I guess that’s kinda what it’s like. But it’s also kind of like everything is attacking me.” 

 

He’s just batting a thousand today! He’s doing a great job at seeming like he’s competent enough to be the Captain!

 

Gamora reaches out for him, but stops just short of touching him, “Can I touch you now? You said I couldn’t last night.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah it’s fine.”

 

She puts her hand on his knee, “You’re very strong.” 

 

That’s new, he’s used to hearing things like stupid, or overreacting.

 

“I am?” 

 

He must really look surprised because Gamora starts laughing again, “Yes, you’d have to be if you were fighting the rest of the world constantly.” 

 

“Just for the record, you’re calling me strong?” Peter’s grinning now.

 

“Just don’t let it go to your head, Quill.” She smiles back.

 

“Too late! You can’t take it back now, you called me strong and I’m going to tell  _ everybody. _ ”

 

“That’ll only work if they believe you.” 

 

“Groot’ll back me up, right?”

 

Groot looks away from Peter, “I  _ am  _ Groot.”

 

“Don’t be like that, buddy!” Peter rolls his eyes, he taps his fingertips against his thighs, almost like he’s trying to play piano, “So, what are we gonna do now?”

 

“I suggest we get out of here, and look for a job since we’re pretty low on credits.” 

 

Peter hums a sound of confirmation and stands up, “Sounds good. Now, where’s your sword?” 

 

Gamora picks up Groot and stands as well, “Why do you need my sword?

 

Peter rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet, “I need it to knight you as my Co-Captain.”

 

“I don’t think that’s how it works, Peter.”

 

“It works however I want it to work because I’m the  _ Captain  _ and I said so. That’s like, the one rule on this ship: whatever the Captain says, goes.” 

 

Gamora smirks, “Well, wouldn’t that apply to Co-Captains too?”

 

Peter knows he’s messed up now, Gamora is a genius at finding and exploiting loopholes, “Maaaaaybe…”

 

“Then, as Co-Captain, I say that you don’t get to use my sword to knight me.” 

 

“ _ Fine _ . But it’d be cooler if I knighted you.” 


End file.
